Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I’ve come a Long Way to get here. . . Part 2: Learning that sometimes the end is really just the beginning

I've Come a Long Way to get here. . . Part One: Learning to Lust

As my marriage became more and more of a mess and I coped with extreme depression, I stumbled upon a website,, because my friends kept sending me quizzes . . . So, for an entirely stupid reason, I set up an account.  At this time, I lived in Wyoming so when I saw that someone nearby had checked out my profile I sent off a message.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into!  He and I sent IM messages back and forth furiously for weeks before we finally convinced our S.O.’s (significant other’s) to meet for a potential swinging relationship.  He had me from our very first conversation.  He was interesting, open minded, experienced, confident, hilarious, flirty, and sexually charged and I didn’t want to resist.  I was so sexually charged, I couldn’t wait to fuck him . . . . After that first night, and some making out :), it was several more weeks of chatting before we were able to meet again.  This time we swapped.  BUT we didn’t fuck.  I know, seems strangely disappointing.  The truth was we sat upstairs and talked.  We kissed and touched and truly basked in each other.  That night was one of the most intimate of my life.  
Shortly after this point I asked my husband to move out and began the divorce process.  There was just too much difference between us.  I hadn’t had a chance to figure out who I was and where I was going before I was knocked up and married.  Now, I don’t say this all for pity – I made a lot of very unwise choices that created massive problems in my life and regardless of age, some choices have life-long consequences.  So, the big, nasty, messy divorce began with a force and I felt free for the first time in my life.

Carl and I had been madly in love for months and attempting – grossly unsuccessfully, I might add – to keep our emotions in check.  We agreed to meet for a weekend getaway.  That weekend was the culmination of months of intense conversation and passion and lust, we were both ready to tear each other apart.  It was so awkward!  We were so nervous (well, me in particular) that it was ridiculously strange first sex kind of sex . . . but that’s what it was . . . :)  After this we looked for excuses to get away on the weekends as often as possible and anytime Carl drove through town, he’d stop by for a quickie. :)  As we became more confident in each other and our sexuality the sex became so intense that we would literally have sex all night and then sleep a few hours and do it again.  We were intent on exploring each other’s bodies in every way imaginable – I think we came close to succeeding!
One weekend in particular made it into my list of top favorite times of my life. . . This weekend we stole away to Salt Lake City, UT.  Carl drove us down.  The drive was beautiful, filled with spectacular views of towering mountains glistening with freshly fallen snow.  Carl had rented us a vacation home for the weekend . . . it was beautiful – and well equipped.  Carl had already talked me into my first sexual experiment!  :)  We spent a day fucking wildly in every corner of the house trying all sorts of things we’d “always wanted to try.”  The whole weekend culminated in Carl’s master plan. . . I was to be fucked by two other men on Saturday night.  I was so nervous; this was way out of my normal weekend play!  I drank most of a bottle of wine and then Carl decided he was going to tie me up and blindfold me in the garage.  That night was unbelievable.  It was so intense; it was like I was in an entirely different place.  Carl always tells people that I was so wet it left a puddle on the garage floor.  Then I say something about how much he exaggerates.   Puddle or no, it was a fantastic weekend.
Life is complicated.  So, I had to move back to Colorado.  It only took Carl a matter of weeks to follow me out though. :)  He left his life behind to move her to live in a tent with me.  Incredible.  I am moved beyond words at what he gave to be here, yet I am selfish enough that I wouldn’t change it if I could.  But now, here we were, a young, unemployed couple living in  a tent trying to figure out how to do life together. . . it was tougher than we ever could have thought possible.